Help us cure Alzheimer’s and Dementia
Sep 29, 2014 | by Becky Oeltjenbruns
My beautiful Grandma Helen
On October 13, 2013 we typed our first phrase “hello world” and boy have we come a long way in just twelve short months! I’ve learned a lot about WordPress, met a bunch of amazing people, discovered all sorts of new things about the vast world of vintage, and am still growing as a businesswoman and collector. I am often asked why I started this venture and I usually talk about my love for the thrill of the hunt, the sustainable aspects of living a retro lifestyle, or a deep appreciation for history and ancestry. All of these things are true, but the real motivation is simple: I miss my Grandma Helen. Every. Day. She was one of the brightest lights in my life and I still struggle to come to terms with the fact that she’s not here. I strongly believe her spirit is living on in me, but it’s never the same. And as I sit here on the eve of a business milestone I ask myself, what would Grandma Helen think of my journey?
When I am particularly reminded of Grandma (getting Frosty’s and french fries at Wendy’s for example – best combo ever if you haven’t tried it yet) and I just need to get a good cry out, I turn to Billy Joel. Well, let’s be honest – I turn to Billy Joel when I want to dance, laugh, smile… the man captures every aspect of daily life! Getting back to the kleenex box, nothing quite does it for me like Vienna Waits for You. Those lyrics always hit me hard and within moments I’m bawling (but feeling better!). A fan of the song, admittedly I never really knew the inspiration for this classic. Once Ryan and I were married he introduced me to a great recording of a lecture series Billy Joel did at Cornell University. Here he talks about what motivated him and it surprised me at first: a fear not of growing old, but of being forgotten with time. Wikipedia has a close transcription of his monologue – it’s a great read.
Grandma and Grandpa Adams on their wedding day
And that got me thinking about how messed up things can be – how could the uber-famous Billy Joel worry about this? Simple, hard to hear truth: We don’t value our elderly in America. Our culture is very media-driven, but turn on the television and it’s tough to find an elderly-focused program at all. Let alone one that’s aimed to be fun-loving (although the incredible Betty White is making great strides in this department). It’s like we have this collective mentality that after you reach a “certain age” you just need to go to the old folks’ home and be out of sight, out of mind. That you’ve somehow outlived your purpose or usefulness. That there’s no way there can be joy, humor, or silliness in your day to day happenings. But most importantly this concept exists that society’s house is only so big and there’s just not room for you here anymore. And it’s a tough pill to swallow because it’s incredibly difficult to find or be amazing caregivers for our older loved ones. Grandma spent some amazing years late in life at a nursing home specifically tailored to her needs, but eventually her needs outgrew their resources. Seeing her at the end made me feel helpless, upset, and ashamed. What can be done? There’s never one simple, clean solution. But being an advocate for the vintage lifestyle makes me feel like in some very small way I’m paving the way toward positive change.
One of the great things about loving vintage is interacting with older people. When I show an interest in something they used to enjoy, collect, wear, etc. we’ve sparked an immediate kinship. And that leads to amazing stories – which is like hitting the lottery for me! I love hearing about what their childhood was like, how they met their significant other, what historical events felt like in the moment, and just realizing that decades may separate us but we still have common ground. There is so much we can learn from our elders. They are a wealth of information and insights that are ready to be engaged. Honest, meaningful, and wonderfully hilarious stories await us all once we start befriending the greatest generation.
Me and Grandma…
And the reason I hit replay on Vienna Waits for You – I feel like I didn’t get to hear all my Grandma’s stories. Alzheimer’s and dementia took over her body before I got a chance to ask all those burning questions. Sure, I’ve got amazing memories of growing up with a feisty, opinionated, loving Grandma – and I’ll never trade those moments for anything. But part of me feels robbed. To get back to that original question – what would Grandma Helen think of all these internet and blogging shenanigans? Well, for one I know she’d be proud (after all, she saved all my bad macaroni art!) and for another she’d want me to keep forging ahead, no matter what. So in honor of her intrepid spirit, the amazing conversations waiting to be had among the generations, and the very first anniversary of Cause A Frockus – I’m making a charitable donation to the Alzheimer’s Association and you can help! During the month of October, simply reply to this post, tweet us, or post on Facebook with an ancestral story or memory you cherish and we’ll make an additional contribution to the Alzheimer’s Association. Help us keep the storytelling alive, one awesome tale at a time. Together we can cure Alzheimer’s and Dementia.
I really encourage you to check out their website – I had no idea that these diseases claim the lives of one in three seniors or that two thirds of all people who suffer from it are women. Let’s do what we can to fund research and offer support for the five million people with Alzheimer’s and their families. We can do it!